Born Out of Depression

Who is the Thirteenth Doctor? She seems like a happy-go-lucky mad woman who bounces with infectious enthusiasm from adventure to adventure. That's only the surface layer of the picture though.

The kind non-threatening blue peter presentator is nothing but an act. Consider how Thirteen was 'born'. Twelve faced his regeneration not with tears like Ten, acceptance like Eleven or even a brave face like Nine. He faced it as an old man who just wanted to die. After everything the Doctor had been through, he was finally ready for the adventure to end and to have peace. Then the universe drags him back with the testimonies of friends and the purring of the TARDIS and he decides to give life one last shot. Thirteen is at the same depressed soul in a younger body. She just hides it.

Those who hurt the most, smile the most. She comes into the world, burdened with the weight of thousands of years and with all the pain and regret of those years, but determined to beat it. She's putting on a brave face, acting like 'the Doctor' to hold the depression back. It's a classic case of 'fake it til you make it' and you see that when the mask slips. No other Doctor could be so broken and ready to give up by the end of only their second episode. But at the end of the Ghost Monument, having been charging across the planet with her 'fam' to reach the TARDIS, she droops her head when it's not at the finish line and declares 'I've failed you.' Luckily the universe provides, and hope is restored with the arrival of the TARDIS but it showed just how easily her mask is shaken when it's still fresh on at the start.

Thirteen ends up in quite a good place by the end of Series 11. Then the Master comes along in Series 12 and tears it all down. Thirteen and the new Master are a perfect match with them both putting on an act to hide the brokenness inside (see: https://chrisrs123.wixsite.com/theoptimist/post/cyber-escalation-the-masterplan-so-far)

She spends the rest of the season hiding the loss of her home planet from her companions, just like she hid pretty much everything else about herself behind a wall of jokes and smiles the season before. She needs a pep talk from an earlier version of herself from before the depression to get over the Timeless Child revelation and stop being limited by who she is. And then she faces the Master ready to kill herself alongside him - finally admitting the death wish she shares with him but has been trying to fight since she regenerated. Ko Sharmus steps in and takes the responsibility for her and Thirteen, uncharacteristically silent since she's actually being herself rather than acting in front of her companions, reluctantly decides to grasp that chance at life, unwilling to be beaten by the depression just yet.

Thirteen is no less the Doctor than any previous incarnation, and no less effective at what she does. But she's the least steady on her feet, and the best at hiding that. If her story keeps going the way it's going, then she's sending the message to new young viewers that you can be unsteady but still be a hero. That lost self-belief and that tiredness don't define you - as her companions say: she is 'the best person we know.'

Basically what I'm saying is for god's sake please someone give her a hug already!